The following is a brief excerpt from the story I’ve been working on for well over a year, mainly in my head. I realize it switches tenses, this was somewhat a flow of consciousness.
My main character Dan is mentally trapped in a horribly one sided relationship with Penelope. Set about 40 years in the future, technology has reached new levels of control. The new generation live their lives simply to share it on social media. Everything in life becomes about an online presence, and creating a sense of envy in your followers. Dan watches this mentality destroy the world around him, yet everyone surrounding him seems completely oblivious and sold on this void and meaningless lifestyle. Any feedback or tips would be greatly appreciated, I am having a hard time getting started on this story but I have many ideas and tons of vision.
He felt sick and used. Trapped. The hole he dug had become his grave. It’s swallowing his every ambition, leaving him on the edge. It’s sickening, what love can do to you. You give yourself to someone for so long, you forget what it was you wanted in the first place. You’re terrified and sick. Your skin feels warm but your insides are frozen. You can feel your inner voice screaming STOP!! And it’s not stop with any question. It’s blood curdling shrieks. Every minute away is a breath of fresh air. But she drags you back in somehow. Everyone has that great, unattainable love, right? Someone who is so everything other than what you need, but at the same time, you can feel them flowing through your veins. They are the blood pumping to your heart and the knife that punctures it. What do you want? Do you even know! She makes me feel small and ill. I walk on egg shells when I’m in her presence. I’m not myself. I feel like vomiting. I miss euphoria.
There are escape methods. Shut it all off, pop a couple pills and watch this world melt away. Or what’s become of it. Hide your phone, it burns the skin. It is the epitome of my anxiety. Smash the computer, drape the TV. Can they see me still? Are they watching? Everyone is judging. The deepest trap is the mind. My only resolution is to turn off my brain. Stop it from thinking, over-thinking. Life is about choices and I chose this. I locked the cell door and threw away the key.
theanalyzedlife 
sounds interesting.
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Thank you for taking the time to read! It’s slowly coming together.
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Just as I was really getting into it, it ended.. Keep going with this. It’s really good!
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I know how hard it can be to get the idea from your head written down on paper, but just keep on trying. As I wanted to read the next paragraph.
By the way, you might want to check a book called ‘the game is life’ by Terry Schott. It has aspects which you might be able to drawn inspiration from, on top of that the first book is free.
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Thanks for the tips:) I need to keep going with this, I feel as though I stop myself out of fear of it not being any good. I’m trying to let go a bit more.
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Sure, not a problem. Just go with the flow and post what you think is acceptable. After all you can use this platform for opinions/suggestions.
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Raw and wonderfully disconcerting.
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Thank you. I’ve never written a long story before so I’m feeling stuck on this one. I really want to bring it to fruition.
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The roots are strong…!
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That’s encouraging. I need to just write. Let go and let the words flow. The only thing stopping me, is me.
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I know it intimately. I want to write a novel but the barriers are exactly the same. It only makes sense to another writer.
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Unfortunately, this sounds all-too familiar: “The new generation live their lives simply to share it on social media.”
As a high school student, it’s so difficult for me to really be on the same wavelength as other people my age because of this. We’re the “generation of technology,” they say. And it really kills me to hear it, because it’s true. I witness this truth every single day. I fear for my own classmates. But perhaps I am just an odd duck, with a mentality meant for a different time period. Once again, I find your character very relatable. Thank you for posting this. I look forward to reading more. : )
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You are a very insightful individual- I never would have guessed you’re in high school! Wise beyond your years. You have a brilliant mind and it’s good to be different than the masses. The different ones are the ones who make an impact. I’m so happy to hear someone can relate to the things that I put on paper- my writing always comes from the depths of my thoughts. I cannot wait to check out your blog!
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Thank you for your kind words. It’s funny, now that I think about it—I’ve resisted using a lot of social technology for as long as I can remember, but making a WordPress site is the best thing that has happened to me in a while. Finding like-minded people, like you, definitely has something to do with it.
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