I'm a 24 year old gal living in Vancouver. I have a Humanities degree from Carleton University, with a focus in English Literature and World Religion. I write on what I know best, that being my own life experiences.
I’m sorry I’ve been MIA this week (although, I’m sure you didn’t lose any sleep over my absence). It’s mainly an apology to myself. I love writing and connecting with the blogging community. It’s just been one of those weeks- do you ever have days or weeks like this? When it feels like a huge feat simply to get out of bed in the morning? I spent all of my energy just to get through the work week. Fortunately, the weekend has finally arrived, meaning I can catch up on what I missed in the blogosphere, and even contribute a little something of my own!
I wanted to conclude my Road to Vancouver series with a final reflection on the entire experience (To get caught up: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4). It’s been over a month since my last post in this series, but I needed to take the time to really reflect on everything. I’m hoping this series will help to educate and even inspire anyone who wishes to embark on a journey across their country, whichever country it may be. Learn from what I did do, and also, learn from what I didn’t do. I want to provide an in depth analysis of this journey: Issues we had prior to the road trip, things we did well, things I would have done differently, and what I have learned since arriving.
When the Signs are Saying, Don’t Go
Leading up to our departure, an uncomfortable amount of events occurred that could have been interpreted as fate’s way of telling us not to embark on this journey across the country.
A month before leaving, our car window was smashed, and luckily only a few replaceable things were stolen.
Soon after, my partner was in a car accident, luckily minor, but it damaged the bumper, hood and rad support of the very car we planned to drive across the country. We were on a very tight budget, every extra dollar being put aside to make this road-trip possible. We feared that car would no longer be in good enough condition to bring us across the country. Luckily, the damages to the car weren’t as bad as we anticipated, and didn’t hinder us financially. We were grateful that my partner arose from the accident unscathed, and the car turned out to be just fine, but the implications were unnerving. We started to second guess ourselves. Was this accident nature’s way of telling us not to go through with our move across the country?
With the rental availability in Vancouver already at an all-time low, and the pet-friendly accommodations even more bleak, it’s not all that surprising that we couldn’t secure a place over the phone prior to our arrival. Any landlord we spoke with insisted on meeting us before they would agree to finalize (and rightfully so). Once we hit the road and left our apartment in Ottawa, we would officially be homeless.
Making matters more trying, a few acquaintances who had previously resided in Vancouver gave us promise of job connections upon our arrival. Much to our disappointment, once the time came, these connections fell through.
On top of everything, we had more naysayers than supporters in our dreams of an old fashioned Canadian road-trip. It seemed that no one could fathom why on earth we wanted to embark on this journey. I faced so much doubt and so many questions that I became numb to them.
Why do you want to move to Vancouver? What will you do once you’re there? What’s your plan? Why drive when you can fly? Why would you leave Ottawa? Move back to Toronto! You know it’s expensive right? It won’t fix your problems. You guys are crazy.
And so on.
Through it all I masked my worry with a courageous smile, what else could I do? These questions and concerns crossed my mind on a daily basis, and it didn’t help that everyone around me was asking them. Of course I was scared. It’s terrifying to leave everything you know on a whim. It’s also exhilarating and by far the biggest adventure I’ve embarked on so far.
Despite all of these “warning” signs, my gut never once told me we shouldn’t go. If we had allowed our doubters to stop us from going, we always would have wondered what could have been. Even if it didn’t work out and we ran back home with our tail between our legs, at least we could say we tried.
To quote a true Canadian, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky.
If I Could Do It All Again…
Due to our sheer lack of organization and planning of this trip, we are extremely happy with how everything fell into place. That being said, there are some things I’d have done differently given the opportunity:
Camping, Camping, Camping
For what was supposed to be a camping trip across Canada, we did very little of it. We were ill prepared and hadn’t planned much in advance. We didn’t have the proper equipment for a successful camping venture; the most we had packed was a tent. We also didn’t think to pre-book campsites, because frankly we didn’t really have an idea of where we would be and when. A tip for anyone camping in Canada in late August: Do not sacrifice warm clothing and sleeping bags. The night we did spend camping in Banff was beautiful but uncomfortably freezing. If we had been more prepared we could have spanned our trip over many more days, taking our time and enjoying the beauty of Canadian wilderness. C’est la vie.
Venture Off the Beaten Path
For the sake of ease, we followed the Trans Canada Highway for the entirety of our trip. If you aren’t aware, the Trans Canada is one of the world’s longest highways, and it connects all 10 provinces in Canada. It is by far the most direct route to take you from one province to the next. The down side of blindly taking the road most travelled is that it limits the experience of a trip across the country greatly. While we were still exposed to so much Canadian beauty, there were also many hours of flat nothingness, especially in the provinces of Manitoba and Saskatchewan. It was mostly wheat fields and sky.
Wherever you are in the world, this same rule applies to your travels. Take the road less travelled: it may be bumpier than the paved path, but it’ll be sure to provide unforgettable adventure.
Even When You’re Done Planning, Keep Planning
Plan until the night before you leave. You can never be too prepared for a trip of this nature. Luckily we were able to prepare ourselves financially, and in case of emergency we signed up for CAA (Canadian Automobile Association). Our planning didn’t go much further than this. In hindsight, we winged it. It would have been nice to have compiled a list of landmarks, maybe one per day, to see or experience while passing through each province. Also, it would have made for a much more comfortable trip if we had sold the sedan in exchange for a roomier SUV. Finally, do not underestimate the importance of a food cooler. We would have saved ourselves a chunk of change if we hadn’t had to buy every meal along the way.
What I’ve Learned
I’ve learned more about myself in the past 10 months than I have in the entirety of my life, and it’s all thanks to this trip. It wasn’t simply a drive across the country. It was just as much an outward journey as it was an inward one. There was one very obvious destination, Vancouver, and another that we would stumble upon accidentally, the self. My existence felt as though it screeched to a halt, and it was no one’s fault but my own. Some people are content with taking life as it comes, but it was driving me crazy. I was a university graduate with absolutely no career prospects and thousands of dollars of debt. I hadn’t the slightest direction in life and I was terrified that I would never find my path. My boyfriend was feeling much the same. Even though we actively decided that it was time for change, I didn’t fully understand how necessary this trip was until months afterwards.
I’ve also learned that running away from your problems doesn’t solve them. We still fight the same internal battles as we did back then, only now we’re thousands of miles away from home. It’s human nature to try to run away from our problems, whether it’s quite literally running thousands of miles away, suppressing them with drugs and alcohol, or seeking constant distraction. You can only internalize your battles for so long before they inevitably begin resurfacing. Don’t expect running away, partying or material goods to bring you happiness. It starts from within.
As much as I crave travel and adventure, being this far away from my friends and family has made me realize just how important they are. No matter how much I want to see the world, at the end of the day what I want most is to come home to see the people who mean most to me.
Finally, I believe I’ve truly found myself since being here. In Ottawa, I didn’t know what I wanted, but I knew I wanted a title. I wanted to be able to call home and tell my family I no longer had to serve tables, and that I had found a “real job”. I wanted this title so badly that I didn’t stop to think what I actually wanted, or what I was passionate about. It was only once I arrived here, and I got this title, this “real job”, that I realized it’s not everything. While I am grateful for the stability and experience, I have come to understand that I mostly wanted it to make my family proud. With this, I now know what I truly want to do with my life, and I feel so at peace with this revelation. I want to be a writer someday. This became truly evident a few months ago when I started blogging more consistently. I’ve wanted to write for years, but it was only when I began blogging that I realized I might actually be able to do it. Previous to this blog, I was terrified to share my words with even my closest friends, let alone strangers. The more I share, the more I come out of my shell. Even if I never monetize it, I’m so happy to have rekindled my love of writing. There is no better therapy than self expression through art.
Final Words of Wisdom
For our entire lives we are taught to listen to our elders as they are wiser and have a lifetime worth of experience. At some point, you have to start listening to yourself. While your elders may be wiser, they don’t know what’s best for you, you do. I urge you to listen to your gut. If you aren’t happy with your circumstances, fight to change them, even if the end goal is uncertain or the road a little bumpy. If you’re craving new surroundings, just go for it, what’s the worst that can happen? If you hate your job, find a way to pursue what you’d rather be doing. Ultimately, take control of your life. Ask yourself, What do I want?Don’t let fear and doubt hold you back. I promise you won’t regret listening to yourself before others.
I simply had to share this. Does anyone else feel as though they have spent their life thus far chasing after someone else’s dreams for you?
This really got me thinking. Enjoy and happy Wednesday! 🙂
You dreamed of seeing me up there, Alas, I never made it; I moved beyond, to other things, And your hopes slowly faded Oh yes, you had so many plans For this fly in the ointment: I was a minor talent, but A major disappointment
“Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” – Albert Einstein
I struggle to find the words to articulate this thought that has been pressing my mind this week. When applying this question to myself, the reality of the matter really set in. The question being this:
As adults, how much of our time is dedicated to learning?
Stark realization came over me this week. While I am learning via life lessons everyday and growing as a result, I haven’t really taken the time to learn new concepts or challenge my brain since completing university two years ago. What’s more daunting is the fact that since the age of 15, I’ve been slowly eliminating the things that proved to be difficult or challenging, embracing solely the skills that came with ease. When math became too inaccessible and science too intimidating, I was quick to exclude them from my studies. As I progressed into young adulthood my focus was solely on the arts: history, philosophy, literature, writing. The arts sparked my interest, and came to me with ease. The arts are fluid, allowing for interpretation and opinion. Thinking outside the box is greatly encouraged, the realm of possibilities endless. Math and sciences, on the other hand, are very black and white. You know the answer or you don’t. I was much more fascinated with exploring the grey areas of the arts, and didn’t find much joy in being confined to right vs. wrong. So rather than maintain balance, I dove head first into the grey area.
Now, as a 24 year old woman, I’ve realized that by giving up on the subjects that challenge me, I’ve limited my capabilities. I’ve been evolving the creative and imaginative, and shunned the analytical functions of my brain.
This realization came to me after a particularly stressful day at work. For the past two months I have been learning mail distribution procedures, something I’ve never done before. It’s challenging because there is no room for error. Mail is time sensitive, highly confidential and must end up in the right hands. One small mistake can lead to a domino effect of problems. I’ve been struggling with grasping my new responsibilities, and I believe a big part of my problem is due to the fact that I’ve grown so accustomed to the fluidity of the arts that I find anything that puts me in a right vs. wrong situation intimidates me. There’s no wiggle room, no room for interpretation. You know it or you don’t. I was allowing this challenge to intimidate me just as math and science did. I longed to do the things that came more naturally to me, dreading the challenges this new task was presenting. I wanted to eliminate it, to rid of the mistakes that accompany learning new things.
And then realization struck me. I’ve been taking the easy way out of things for the entirety of my independent adult life. I’ve become so focused on the things that come naturally, I’ve stopped allowing room for learning new, more challenging tasks and subjects. It was this very moment that I also realized the only way to progress in life is to accept challenges with open arms, and to never stop learning.
My next burning question was, how can I begin self-educating? How can I get out of this comfortable routine I’ve fallen into, and push myself above and beyond? All of the education we’ve been exposed to is predetermined, guided by a wise leader, such as a teacher, a parent, a team coach, a religious figure. Taking control of your own education takes a determined mind. We have all the tools available to us to educate ourselves, but once learning becomes optional, how many of us embark down this path? There is no end to the path of education, It is forever ongoing. We mustn’t cower away from the challenges of learning, rather, we must encourage them. After much research and discussion with others, here are some of the things I will be doing to incorporate active learning into my adult life:
Despite my past struggles with science, I’ve always been fascinated by it. Specifically, Astronomy and the study of the cosmos sparks my interest. My boyfriend sent me a great article, Five Awesome Science Courses You Can Take Online Completely Free, which outlines exactly what the title promises. I signed up for a course beginning June 28th (As promised, it’s completely free), From Atoms to Stars: How Physics Explains Our World. If science doesn’t appeal to you, a quick google search of your subject of interest will open up a world of possibilities. We have endless information available at the tips of our fingers.
If the online education approach doesn’t suit you, you can always invest your time into taking a course at a nearby college or university. During my time in university, I had classmates of all ages and backgrounds. There were the full time students in their early 20’s like myself, and there were also the part time students in their 30’s and beyond who were there simply for the love of learning and bettering themselves. The latter were the ones who were most dedicated, most involved and passionate. When you are educating yourself out of curiosity and not out of a sense of requirement, your mind will be much more open and responsive to learning.
The salons of the Enlightenment Era encouraged discussion and sharing of knowledge. Rather than shunning social situations outside of your comfort zone, think of them as an opportunity for discussion and insight. Each conversation you take part in can be thought of as a learning experience. Each individual on this planet has a different outlook, different experiences and education. Listen intently, don’t simply wait for your turn to speak. Observe and try to understand each person’s point of view. Their opinions have come to be as a response to their personal experiences. While you may not always agree with them, you can always learn and expand your mind to a different way of thinking.
Step Outside of Your Genre
Read things that interest you but at the same time challenge you. For example, I typically love reading thrillers and science fiction. I find these genres exciting but not entirely challenging. I’ve recently began reading Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Nearly Everything, an immensely readable book outlining the history of science, from the Big Bang to today. What I enjoy about this book is that it’s informative but also very accessible to the uninformed reader. Don’t be intimidated by subjects that you are not wholly educated in. Everyone starts somewhere, challenge yourself to learn something new! I guarantee that whatever topic you are intrigued by, whether it’s astronomy, literature, language, there are beginner options out there!
Challenge Your Body
Physical well-being is just as important as mental health. As much as you exercise your brain, you should exercise your body too. I’ve begun incorporating yoga into my mornings before work. I wake up an hour earlier than I normally would to attend the 6:30-7:30 hot yoga class at a studio near my work. The hardest part of this is simply getting out of bed. What I’ve noticed is I feel more awake and mentally prepared for the day having done yoga versus getting that extra hour of sleep. It truly sets the tone for the entire day. I feel much more aware and receptive to learning. It clears my mind of stress from the get-go, allowing my mind to retain more information as it’s less consumed with worry or anxiety. If stress or an anxious mind holds you back, I greatly suggest physical activity.
Don’t Let Fear of Mistakes Hold You Back
Mistakes are a result of learning new things. If you avoid making mistakes, you are indirectly avoiding new challenges in your life. Think of each mistake as a lesson in and of itself. Don’t fret over them, simply learn from them. Without the chance of error, our lives would be very stagnant.
I hope these tips help you to open up your mind to new lessons and challenges. Do you have any other tips on how to further your education as an adult? Please feel free to share them in the comments, I’m always looking for new ways to better myself.
Up until just a couple of months ago, I rarely left the house without at least a touch of makeup on. My biggest insecurity being my skin. Before leaving the house I had to at the very least layer on some foundation and mascara. I just didn’t feel myself without it.
It had gotten to a point where I no longer recognized myself without makeup. I didn’t think I was beautiful unless I was dolled up. I was scared for people to see the face underneath the veil.
Then, a couple of months ago- I reached my breaking point.
I had just started my current job and it was more fast-paced and physically demanding than I was used to. I’d wake up around 6 am to get ready for the day, most of the time consumed with a full-face makeup application. I’d spend the days run off my feet: stocking paper and other office supplies, collecting and distributing mail, and tending to the many (many) needs of a busy establishment. By the time I’d get back home around 5:30, my skin would be crawling with the urge to scrub all of my sweaty makeup off. It felt so extremely uncomfortable to have layers of foundation on my skin after an active day. The relief of taking my makeup off after work was unparalleled. To top it off, my skin underneath the mask was angrier than ever. I’ve always dealt with acne, but it had become much more persistent and painful due to the amount of makeup I was wearing and the activity I was doing while wearing it.
The thing that used to make me feel beautiful was literally becoming a pain in my face.
That’s when I decided to dramatically lessen the amount of makeup I wore to work. I eliminated all skin products from the equation. Mascara and an eyebrow pencil became my go-to tools.
The first few days were the hardest. I was worried people would notice and somehow allude to the fact that I didn’t look like myself. Would anyone even recognize me without my facial facade?
But guess what?
No one said anything. No one noticed.
And over time, after a couple weeks of adjusting to and embracing my new-bare face, I started to even prefer it. I hadn’t preferred myself without makeup in, well, ever.
Now, two months later, I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve worn foundation. Not to say that there’s anything wrong with wearing makeup, or even wearing it everyday. Makeup should be fun, it truly is an art and it’s fun to create beautiful makeup looks. Wear as much or as little makeup as you want, but be mindful of it. Don’t wear it because you think you can’t go without it. I promise, you can. You are beautiful just as you are. If anyone makes you feel any lesser because you’re not wearing makeup, reconsider the worth of that person.
Embrace your face. Love yourself, love your skin, accept and embrace your flaws.
If the study of literature or history were really that pointless, a government trying to control the minds of its subjects would not go to the trouble of putting humanities students and professors in jail.
If we were having coffee on this rainy Sunday afternoon, we could curl up on the couch in my tiny 400 square-foot apartment. I don’t have people over very often, as I lack sufficient space for entertaining, but my coffee is most enjoyed at home.
I’d serve your coffee in my second favourite mug, otherwise known as the “love mug”. This mug is adorned with quotes of love by the world’s greatest writers:
Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.– Shakespeare.
That love is all there is, is all we know of love.– Emily Dickinson.
Love conquers All. – Virgil.
I always have my coffee in my Spice Girls mug, a mug I’ve held close to my heart for almost 10 years.
Why Spice Girls, you may ask? Why a love mug? Let me explain.
As a young girl I loved the Spice Girls. Everything I had was Spice Girls. I had everything from the pencil case with a matching plastic backpack, the Spice Girl barbie doll collection, I even opted for the 5¢ Spice Girl gum that came with either a sticker or, even better, a temporary tattoo. When my friends and I would play “Spice Girls”, I was always Sporty Spice. They were a huge part of my childhood.
When the Girls reunited for their reunion tour I was around 15 years old, and I couldn’t afford a ticket to go. I was pretty devastated at the time, my feelings of nostalgia resurfacing. My great friend Lauren was lucky enough to attend the concert, and when she came to school the next day, she surprised me with the Spice Girls mug. Ten years later, I use this mug religiously. Although Lauren and I are separated by thousands of kilometres now, I remind her via pictures how much I still use this mug. I’m so protective of it, I don’t let anyone else use it. Maybe I’m a little crazy, but it’s one of the most thoughtful and most used gifts I’ve ever been given.
As for the love mug you’re currently sipping your coffee out of, its origin story is one of “one man’s junk is another (wo)man’s treasure.”
The summer before university I had been volunteering at an animal rescue shelter that doubled as a second hand shop in the small town of Lakefield, ON. The proceeds from the sales were used to provide food and care for the cats they rescued. One day as I was sorting through boxes of donated items, I came across the love mug. As a lover of literature and the power of love, I just had to have it. What made it even more special was that it had a previous life before it came into my hands. Someone once enjoyed their coffee from this very mug, and rather than toss it out when it lost its novelty, they donated it to a special cause. When it came into my possession it lacked perfection, the hint of old coffee stains left behind, scratches through the hearts surrounding its base. I embrace its imperfections, and I’m glad it’s one of the few possessions of mine that made it across the country with me.
Do you have a sacred mug? What’s its origin story? I’d love to know. Happy Sunday fellow bloggers. 🙂
Inspired by #weekendcoffeeshare. What would you say if we were having coffee?
It has been a week of ups and downs, and I spent its entirety just trying to steady the teeter-totter. It’s funny how much you can learn in a matter of days. I have so many seemingly unrelated thoughts that should (hopefully) all tie together by the end of this post.
Bear with me.
The Nature of My Blog Posts
My last few blog posts have definitely focused on some darker subject matter (The Power of Apology, The Reality of Dreaming to name a couple). I’m overwhelmingly grateful for the love and positivity my fellow bloggers have shown me. As I’m sure you can empathize, writing on such vulnerable topics and then sharingthem with the cyber-world is quite nerve-wracking, especially for an over-thinker like myself. Both of these posts were my responses to The Daily Post’s word prompts. Both times, I sat silently with the word stirring in my brain, and contemplated what the word really meant to me. In both cases, the results were dark.
But in darkness, my dear friends, one must remember to turn on the light.
My mind is in constant contemplation. I’m always thinking. My writing has always been a good indication of what my mind is working through. Lately, as is evident in my recent blog posts, I’ve been really digging deep. digging up thoughts from my childhood, exploring the depths of my sub-conscious. This is what I do, this is what I’ve always done. For example, my struggle with constantly saying I’m sorry. I can’t simply just accept the fact that I say it all the time, I need to know why. So what do I do? I go to the source. Where did this begin? Is it a recent development or has it been life-long? I think and then I write. It’s the exact same method with my tornado terror. After having that dream, I couldn’t accept the fact that somewhere inside of my consciousness, a tornado was destroying my life. I had to dig deeper, find its roots, and expose them via this blog.
Though the subject matter was heavy, I hope my readers can find the underlying positivity. I am only sharing my vulnerabilities and struggles in hopes that someone will find strength in it. Although I do have my struggles, I am overall a very happy, smiley, positive person. Writing is my escape, it’s where my over-abundance of thoughts can finally break free. Sometimes they will be joyful and light, and other times, they will expose my raw, uninhibited emotions.
I’ve noticed an unintentional pattern in my writing. It’s all a journey somewhere. Whether it’s a journey across Canada, or my ongoing journey to the self, My ultimate message is: there is light at the end of the tunnel.
This leads me to my next aching thought…
Who is theanalyzedlife?
When I revived theanalyzedlife a couple of months ago, I did a four part series on our trip across Canada. At the time I had also read some blogging tips that suggested figuring out what your blog will focus on. Will it be a travel blog? Makeup blog? Poetry? Fiction? Photography? I had been worried because I didn’t know what niche I fit into. While I dream of doing travel writing, I don’t yet have the means to travel as much as is required. I do believe that someday soon I will be able to travel this fascinating world and document it all with my words and my partner’s beautiful photographs. However, I realized very recently (today at lunch) that I’ve been longingly dreaming about the what-ifs, and I haven’t really thought of what-is:
My blog falls under many defining categories and cannot be confined to one niche. Ultimately, this is the story of a 20-something girl on a journey. The destination is uncertain, but the goal is clear: to be the greatest version of myself I can be. This is my journey to the self. I’m so happy to share my ups and downs with you, and hope that you always find the light amidst the darkness.
The days leading up to Friday were exhausting in all areas of my life. Work had been particularly stressful as I’ve been given new responsibilities. I know we learn from our mistakes, but have you ever made consecutive mistakes at work that leave you feeling incompetent and on edge? That’s how it felt all week. My mind was so flurried with anxious thoughts that I couldn’t think with any clarity, causing even more mistakes. I was carrying this weight home with me all week.
On the home front, things haven’t been easy. My boyfriend has been dealing with depression for two years. This week he finally decided enough is enough, sought the help of a doctor and even shared his truth about depression via social media. A smile spread across my face as I read his honest post:
So, I’m going to practice what I preach.
I’m depressed. Been trying to cope with it myself for the last two years. Finally threw in the towel and decided to see a doctor.
Funny thing though, it was harder for me to get a weed card here than it was to get a Lexapro prescription………..
Anyways, I’m just saying this in hopes that people might stop hiding in the closet. Whether you’re depressed, gay, emotionless, or too emotional, stop fucking hiding from who you are.
I am not weak. Depressed people are not weak. I will use this lovely battle to build my character.
If you’ve ever battled depression, anxiety, or anything of the sort, you know how difficult it is to find any motivation at all. His progress is a huge step in the right direction. I’m unbelievably proud of his strength, but this week his depression really became real. His depression materialized in the forms of a bottle of prescription pills and a social media post. It wasn’t just words anymore. This week, his battle to conquer depression began.
The weight of it all became too much, and come Thursday, I couldn’t bear it any longer.
My day at work on Thursday was a mess. I felt as though my shitty feelings were seeping out of me without any control. I couldn’t hold myself together. I was slow and inaccurate all day. I thought I’d feel relief when I finally got home, but it only got worse. My body felt heavy. My mind was too foggy to think with clarity. After wallowing in my misery for a while, I decided to go on Word Press to distract myself. Fellow blogger My Wandering Heart had referred me to her post How I Kicked Anxiety and Depression in the Ass. Not only was the post encouraging and uplifting, she also left me a very thoughtful message on how I can find some balance in my own life. One thing she mentioned was taking up yoga. Prior to moving to Vancouver, I was doing yoga 4-5 times a week and absolutely loved the work out and the clarity it provided. As soon as I read her suggestion I thought, why the hell am I NOT doing yoga anymore? I had been so focused on my career and struggles at home that I forgot about myself. On Thursday night I made the active decision that Friday would be a good day.
And it was.
I approached work with a completely different attitude on Friday. I didn’t let small mistakes control the course of my day. I listened, absorbed and even laughed in the face of error. It felt amazing.
My boyfriend and I met up for lunch. He had just gotten a new camera lens and I could feel the happiness in him as he talked about it. Few things make me happier than seeing him genuinely happy.
I signed up for yoga again and did a hot yoga class after work. I left feeling light, and for the first time all week, my mind felt clear.
I stopped being so hard on myself. I allowed myself to make mistakes. I allowed myself to release my stressors through physical activity.
Finally, I began writing this blog post.
It was an amazing end to an emotional whirlwind of a week.
I want to thank my beautiful boyfriend for his strength and perseverance. You encouraged me to take back control of my week.
I also want to thank My Wandering Heart. Your words were exactly what I needed to read, and they couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you for allowing me to put things in perspective. Thank you for mentioning yoga. I’m so glad to be back.
I am truly humbled by the beautiful people I’ve met through Word Press. There are so many genuine, kind, talented souls here and I feel as though I’m part of a community.
Thank you all.
Feature image of the sunset by my talented partner, Trhippie.
I was sitting on the couch by your side when the ground began shaking. A surge of panic rushed through me as I jumped to my feet, and when I turned to look your way, you were gone. The ground began rumbling again, only this time louder and more intense.
As I studied my surroundings I realized they were foreign to me. This isn’t my home, where am I?! The details of the apartment were minimal, defined only by its stark white walls and concrete floors. It was cold and unwelcoming and we needed to get out of here. Suddenly a loud CCCRAACK ripped through the walls of our faux-home, and I began screaming your name.
Except whenever I tried screaming your name, nothing came out.
I ran through the hole-in-the-wall to find myself in the middle of downtown Vancouver. I knew it to be Vancouver but I was lost amidst the chaos of people. I didn’t understand what was going on but one thing was evident: they were all running in the same direction. When I turned to look behind me, large groups of tornadoes were obliterating everything in their paths. The city around me is being ripped apart and I just need to find you.
I see you in the distance but you’re walking away from me. I began shoving everyone to the side as I ran towards you, and that’s when I noticed Marley’s tail wagging next to you. I need to just reach you both, I need to feel safe again. Our world is crumbling around us and I’m not even with you. Please just turn around and hold me until it’s over. I collapse to the ground and squeeze my eyes shut until it all ends. I can’t bear the weight of this alone.
When I opened my eyes I found myself in my bed in a cold sweat. The tornadoes were gone but the loneliness lingered. My head ached from clenching my jaw and my heart hurt as though I had just lost everything.
Whether or not you believe in analyzing dreams, I believe dreams of this magnitude don’t simply occur without cause.
It’s not the tornadoes themselves that I fear, it’s what they materialized out of.
Inner anguish, stress, confusion?
Why was it tearing apart my life so rapidly and leaving me alone to endure its wrath?
I take it as a subconscious cry for help.
The next day, I faced my inner demons. No longer will I endure pain of that magnitude, both in my dreams and reality.
Hey guys, so to be totally real with everyone and myself, I’m depressed. I get crazy motivated some days, hours, minutes, but sometimes I just feel like meh! I’m not looking for any sort of reaction other than for you guys to understand I’ll be a bit random with my posts. Besides that wonderfullnessssssss, I […]