Let’s Have Coffee

If we were having coffee on this rainy Sunday afternoon, we could curl up on the couch in my tiny 400 square-foot apartment. I don’t have people over very often, as I lack sufficient space for entertaining, but my coffee is most enjoyed at home.

I’d serve your coffee in my second favourite mug, otherwise known as the “love mug”. This mug is adorned with quotes of love by the world’s greatest writers:

Love comforteth like sunshine after rain. – Shakespeare.

That love is all there is, is all we know of love. – Emily Dickinson.

Love conquers All. – Virgil.

I always have my coffee in my Spice Girls mug, a mug I’ve held close to my heart for almost 10 years.

Why Spice Girls, you may ask? Why a love mug? Let me explain.

As a young girl I loved the Spice Girls. Everything I had was Spice Girls. I had everything from the pencil case with a matching plastic backpack, the Spice Girl barbie doll collection, I even opted for the 5¢ Spice Girl gum that came with either a sticker or, even better, a temporary tattoo. When my friends and I would play “Spice Girls”, I was always Sporty Spice. They were a huge part of my childhood.

When the Girls reunited for their reunion tour I was around 15 years old, and I couldn’t afford a ticket to go. I was pretty devastated at the time, my feelings of nostalgia resurfacing. My great friend Lauren was lucky enough to attend the concert, and when she came to school the next day, she surprised me with the Spice Girls mug. Ten years later, I use this mug religiously. Although Lauren and I are separated by thousands of kilometres now, I remind her via pictures how much I still use this mug. I’m so protective of it, I don’t let anyone else use it. Maybe I’m a little crazy, but it’s one of the most thoughtful and most used gifts I’ve ever been given.

As for the love mug you’re currently sipping your coffee out of, its origin story is one of “one man’s junk is another (wo)man’s treasure.”

The summer before university I had been volunteering at an animal rescue shelter that doubled as a second hand shop in the small town of Lakefield, ON. The proceeds from the sales were used to provide food and care for the cats they rescued. One day as I was sorting through boxes of donated items, I came across the love mug. As a lover of literature and the power of love, I just had to have it. What made it even more special was that it had a previous life before it came into my hands. Someone once enjoyed their coffee from this very mug, and rather than toss it out when it lost its novelty, they donated it to a special cause. When it came into my possession it lacked perfection, the hint of old coffee stains left behind, scratches through the hearts surrounding its base. I embrace its imperfections, and I’m glad it’s one of the few possessions of mine that made it across the country with me.

Do you have a sacred mug? What’s its origin story? I’d love to know. Happy Sunday fellow bloggers. 🙂

---

Inspired by #weekendcoffeeshare. What would you say if we were having coffee?

Featured image by my talented partner, Thrippie. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisement

The Reality of Dreaming

I was sitting on the couch by your side when the ground began shaking. A surge of panic rushed through me as I jumped to my feet, and when I turned to look your way, you were gone. The ground began rumbling again, only this time louder and more intense.

As I studied my surroundings I realized they were foreign to me. This isn’t my home, where am I?! The details of the apartment were minimal, defined only by its stark white walls and concrete floors. It was cold and unwelcoming and we needed to get out of here. Suddenly a loud CCCRAACK ripped through the walls of our faux-home, and I began screaming your name.

Except whenever I tried screaming your name, nothing came out.

I ran through the hole-in-the-wall to find myself in the middle of downtown Vancouver. I knew it to be Vancouver but I was lost amidst the chaos of people. I didn’t understand what was going on but one thing was evident: they were all running in the same direction. When I turned to look behind me, large groups of tornadoes were obliterating everything in their paths. The city around me is being ripped apart and I just need to find you.

I see you in the distance but you’re walking away from me. I began shoving everyone to the side as I ran towards you, and that’s when I noticed Marley’s tail wagging next to you. I need to just reach you both, I need to feel safe again. Our world is crumbling around us and I’m not even with you. Please just turn around and hold me until it’s over. I collapse to the ground and squeeze my eyes shut until it all ends. I can’t bear the weight of this alone.

---

When I opened my eyes I found myself in my bed in a cold sweat. The tornadoes were gone but the loneliness lingered. My head ached from clenching my jaw and my heart hurt as though I had just lost everything.

Whether or not you believe in analyzing dreams, I believe dreams of this magnitude don’t simply occur without cause.

It’s not the tornadoes themselves that I fear, it’s what they materialized out of.

Inner anguish, stress, confusion?

Why was it tearing apart my life so rapidly and leaving me alone to endure its wrath?

I take it as a subconscious cry for help.

The next day, I faced my inner demons. No longer will I endure pain of that magnitude, both in my dreams and reality.

 

Inspired by The Daily Post’s daily word prompt, Dream. 

Feature image of Vancouver at night by my talented partner, TrHippie. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Power of Apology

Apologies are great, but they don’t really change anything. You know what does? Action. -Stella Young

What are the two words you should never utter when you are involved in a car accident?

I’m sorry. 

“I’m sorry” is an automatic admission and acceptance of guilt. After all, why would you apologize without cause?

I think we should implement the same level of caution when using the words “I’m sorry” in our daily lives. These words are equally as incriminating in your relationships as they are in a court of law. When used too much, these powerful words lose their credibility. Rare usage is often the result of hard-headedness, an inability to hold oneself accountable for his or her mistakes. These are both extremes on the “I’m sorry” spectrum. One must find a happy medium and know when it’s appropriate to say I’m sorry, and when it’s better to just shut your mouth.

Unfortunately, I fall on the former end of the spectrum. My use of the words “I’m sorry” would have me convicted for crimes I never even committed. I’ve never known someone to say I’m sorry for every single thing, but for some reason, I do. I guess sometimes it’s easier just to back down and accept defeat rather than stand up for yourself.

My Struggle with I’m Sorry

Some of my most cherished and favourite people in my life have the strongest sense of self I have ever witnessed. They do not back down when faced with conflict. If they are reading this, they know exactly who they are. Some are my family and some are my friends. Confidence truly reflects through ones ability to stand up for oneself. If you don’t respect yourself enough to defend your own beliefs, actions or emotions, why would you expect anyone else to treat you with respect? I talk a big game but really, I’ve let “I’m sorry” run the course of my life for far too long.

I’m taking back the power of these words.

I’m taking back my sense of self.

From a young age I learned not to talk back. I never witnessed proper conflict resolution. Living paycheque -to- paycheque was cause for biweekly emotional explosions. On Thursday nights after school I would go straight to my room and hold the pillow over my head until the yelling stopped. It was always just my dad yelling. The few times my mom did say something, he would hurl horribly hurtful words right back at her. I would scream into my pillow hoping it would stop soon. This is where it must have began. This is when I learned never to talk back.

The few times I did talk back ended badly. Doors slammed so loudly the entire house would shake. Things were smashed and thrown. Our household was a war zone and all over what, money? Sometimes the emotional pain was so strong the only relief was to inflict harm on myself.

“I’m sorry” has become my get out of jail free card.

The Grey Area

I used to think being the first to apologize made me the bigger person no matter what. And in some cases it’s admirable and a sign of character to wave the white flag and call for a truce. When arguments become futile, I believe it’s best to abort mission, shake hands and move on.

As much as I try to avoid arguing, it is an inevitable aspect of all relationships. You can’t always be in complete agreement with others. Sometimes things get heated, opinions clash, and insecurities arise out of thin air. I urge you to do as I say and not as I do, do not apologize for how you feel in during these highly emotional times. If your gut is telling you something is wrong, or if something rubs you the wrong way, don’t bottle it up. I’ve done this too many times, suppressing my anger or frustration and suddenly it boils over making a complete mess of a fixable situation. You should never apologize for defending your own honour. The moment you doubt your intuition and say those incriminating words, the argument is over. You lose. You’re not just losing bragging rights either. Every hasty utterance of I’m sorry chips away at your self-worth until you’re left questioning the validity of your thoughts and feelings.

I urge you, take time to think about the power of the words I’m sorry before you blurt them out. Don’t cower in the presence of conflict and haphazardly start apologizing for ruffling someone’s feathers. Speak up, don’t let others make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself. Your sorry’s will gain much more validity when you really are sorry. Those who are respected most don’t hide from conflict, they defend their honour until the end.

---

Inspired by The Daily Post’s Discover Challenge prompt, Apology

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Raison D’être

Inspired by The Daily Post’s Discover Challenge Prompt: Raison D’être

---

When the other kids teased me for my puffy hair, acne-riddled face and boyish physique, You were there.

When he left us for his “old high school girlfriend,” You were there.

When he came back pleading for forgiveness, You were there.

When my teachers told me to pursue something more profitable than writing, You were there.

When we first moved to that small town far away from home and I had no new friends and felt as though I had lost all my old ones too, You were there.

When I spent my first night of university too crippled by social anxiety to leave the comfort of my dorm room, You were there.

When my heart smashed into so many pieces that I didn’t know if it would piece back together again, You were there.

When I finally found myself, and for the first time, loved myself, You were there.

When I had to suffer the greatest loss I’ve ever experienced, You were there.

---

I’ve given up on You from time to time and I’m sorry for ever doubting you. You’ve been there for me when I had no one and nothing. When my heart was bleeding You allowed me to spill onto your pages. When no one could hold my hand, I held a pen. I’ve taken out my anger on You, jamming the pen into the notepad as hard as I can when I’ve felt I’m at my wits end. I’ve shared more emotions with You than anyone else on this planet.

Writing, You are my raison d’être.